(The people of Mooresville prepare for my arrival)
Amongst the wondrous glory that is Mooresville, home of NASCAR and vendor of that brilliant confection called the corn dog, lies that most ignorant and backwoods family I have ever had the misfortune of meeting: the Telling’s. Not only did they produce the woefully naiive and simple-minded daughter that I have ever had to dissect (and I mean that literally, Nagini rather found her limbs to be pleasantly mealy), but they refuse to honor the crown jewel amongst the coal of the rest of Mooresville. Because, let’s face it, had there not been any other claims to fame in that "bo-dunk" town, it would have been burned and leveled by now. But no, Blayne’s family has lived there for fifteen years and yet, in all their time, they have not been able to see the shining ray of glory presented in (the corn dog) “Race City, USA”. The notion that Muggles hold strong attachments to their hometowns seems to be unravelling as nothing more than myth, something that could bode well for future dictators such as myself.
In between her screams and pleads for mercy, Blayne tells me that she moved to the Mooresville area when she was three years old, right before her younger sister Paige was born and has lived in “that wretched place” ever since. Apart from collecting the next source for Nagini’s “fourth meal” (she’s growing increasingly hungry and the munchies always seem to hit around eleven), this information grows tedious. She then went on to inform me that as she grew older she grew more tired of place, seeing it as what it really was rather than the glamorized version of one’s own town held by smaller Muggle children. She mentioned something about ignorant people with Escalades with only a handful of good people tossed in the mix. I don’t know, I began to tune her out. Now I even struggle to remember what else she told me about her family and this town as she begged for death. I do know one thing. She has only ever been to one NASCAR race.
Only one! I almost stopped my endless stream of Crucios for I could not believe these words! Only one glorious race, only one time bearing witness to the most productive, maybe the only production, creation of Muggle kind to see this earth. She confessed that she lived in Mooresville but that the track was an hour’s drive (whatever the hell a “drive” was) away, also that her father had preferred the Muggle sport “golf” as opposed to the gods of racing. She described instead a quite and dull life living in a Muggle suburb, attending Muggle school, watching her parents go through a Muggle divorce and now living with her Muggle mother, sister, brother and dog while she attended Muggle college. Her life had been so unaffected by the namesake of her town that at times, she confessed, she sometimes forgot Mooresville’s claim to fame. Apparently, the race track in which I so speak of exists in a place called “Concord” nearby and the only reason Mooresville was given its title is because many racing companies base their headquarters there. Of course, this could just be Muggle stupidity, so I took the information with a grain of salt. She described the only race she had ever been to as being loud and cumbersome and noisy, nothing more than a “Cancer Stick Society” gathering, as she so put, full of screaming rednecks. She seemed to also mention something about craving a town with more excitement, more intellectual stimulation, citing how difficult it was to find anything inspiring in a town as such. Apart from her friends, mother and siblings, she mentioned really having no need to ever return there. Interesting information of course in that it contradicts all we wizards previously believed. So, after I killed her, I began to think. Perhaps this entire exercise, besides keeping my overly nosy therapist off my back, had some use after all.
Blayne Telling shows that Muggles, while being frightfully dull and stupid, are not all closely connected to their hometowns. The realm of possibility for this discovery is immense! Here my therapist, for a moment, actually had me believing that should I kill a Muggle, their entire town would turn up in arms and try and hunt me down. Not to say it wouldn’t be difficult to kill them all should they decide that as their course of action. I could wipe them all out in a matter of seconds. However the constant clean up required of me would simply take too long. I prefer the more elaborate methods. This senseless uniform killing isn’t to my taste, and frankly, can be quite tacky. Murder requires personal touches, touches I would be unable to give in such a circumstance. But no matter, for with Blayne I came across an astounding discovery. Muggles aren’t just leeches on wizarding society, but in fact some are such burdens to their own kind that their own towns wouldn’t so much as bat an eye should they be slaughtered, and they are such isolated creatures that should their towns be levelled, they shouldn’t mind at all. Muggles don’t seem to hold the same familial home-spun town values I always assumed they would. I guess that’s what I get for basing my genocide plans on an assumption, but hey, who knew?
Through Blayne Telling’s confession, and apparent lack of ties to anything associated with Mooresville, any budding dictator can extract essential information. Those who wish to eradicate Muggles (Good choice, join the cause! Our jackets should be in next week. Nagini designed them), now know that they can do so without feeling that twang of annoyance that the really good murders are being taken away from them as the dead Muggle’s town-mates all bond together in a riotous group hell-bent on “taking me out”. Muggle society seems to be in such shambles that fostering feelings of good will towards one’s hometown seems is soon receding into a notion of the past. However, should one (less intelligent) dictator decide to target another group, they now know to truly delve into their source matter and discover the real inner workings of their victim’s society. Look how well it worked for me? I’ve killed Cameron Weiner, Blayne Telling, and her entire family in the past week and so far no annoying mobs have come pounding down my door (Well, there was that one Avon representative and she has been dealt with accordingly).
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